R&R: Recaps & Reactions- Ep. 2

After last week, I only expect the muckery in this week's episode to turn up to unprecedented levels, but I'm wondering how anything can top what happened in the premiere. 

The MiMi FAUST Saga

So this week, we have another psych session, I mean girl-talk sesh between Mimi and her doc... I mean best friend Ariane.  No but seriously, this room has all the makings of a therapy session: the brick colored walls, the tall "plant" and the cozy couches. Whatever her title, I'm declaring her the voice of reason.  First off, I'm going to say how incredibly gorgeous I think Ariane is, before pointing out that Mimi  has a rosary tattoo wrapped around her wrist and hand. Carrying on... Ariane asks Mimi how she feels after the "episode", literally. Mimi says, "I'm hurt. I'm pissed off. I'm embarrassed. I'm disgusted."... Ariane says, "You should be." This is why I love Ariane! 

No comment here, this pretty much sums it up. Nothing we say will make any more sense than what Ariane has been trying to drill into this woman's head for the past 9328 psych ward sessions over tea. Now every time Mimi acts surprised the words, "But Now You Know" are going to echo in my head." No excuses from here on out woman.  

But of course Stevie and Mimi meet up, so she can hear him out Yet Again. This guy is blatantly lying. Answering a question with a question is the oldest tell all sign. "What made you ask me that?"... "No I'm not", he says with a grin. "Why can't I smile?" Dude is smirking the entire time. He thinks this is a game!

*pauses TV* when he says, "Real Real Fixing". What's up with these faces? No seriously. I need answers! 

Stevie aka Beetle Bug agrees to give Mimi a couple percent of Big Bird's project. This is pure pimpery and every one has their price! This dude sings her a song on the piano. He breaks out in song. His faces. Her hair. This is all too much. Mimi was definitely Stevie's muse when he worked on the other Mimi's hit record, "Breakdown." 

RASHEEDA (...& KIRK)

Rasheeda finally made her "debuuut" onto LaHH ATL this week. A few clips of videos I'm sure none of the masses can recall dance across the screen. Oh hey Kirk.. You're Rasheeda's huh-whah? Husband? Oh, I thought you said slave. Boy Stop! Kirk's mannerisms aren't as mannish as I would have expected for a woman like Rasheeda, but after years of  being henpecked, I'm sure she is the reason why.  The way he writes the words "attitude" with his pen, when he's actually spelling "queen".  Anyway, "Legs to the Moon" & "Marry Me" are everything the game's been missing.  Good to know. 

Sidenote: Rasheeda's hair is LAID. I love the natural shinny shin shin it has.  

I kind of like Shee Shee's song, but these ziggle braids don't pop in her next scene. They make me sad. :-(

Then later on she's supposed to be shooting the video for her single, and is MIA. She hits her husband with a Stevie J question like, "What you mean, why am I late?" But no qualms here. Her tone is saying, "I had to take out those ziggle braids," and once again her hair is laid. 

Somebody get her a stylist, so she doesn't have to be late. I will style her. There are so many wanna-be stylists these days, especially in the A T of L, and all she could come up with herself was blue eyeshadow. 

Babygirl don't cry off your blue eyeshadow!!! Noooo *Home alone face*

This chick transforms into a gray tank top and capri leggings... donned in too many accessory looks at the same time. DEAD!

KARLIE REDD starring Joso 

Sooo Karlie Redd needs a record and she "gots to go speak to Stevie to make sure him and i's cool".. Well OK! I guess her p-payments to Aaron Reed defaulted. Well, low and behold when she walks into the studio, its Joceline, Joceline's wig and Joceline's thug life accessories- bandana and tats sold separately. 

After stuttering to figure out which language she wants to speak, Joso says "Say hello when you come in the room first, be polite... sit down" WOAH! I thought this would stir some trouble, but Karlie is not about THAT life. She's just messy. WOMP. After Joso gives her the rundown from her point of view regarding "last time". Karlie Red automatically starts copping deuces. Joso's reverse psychology is cracking me up. Karlie wants to work but, but Joso has already put in her 'down payment'. 

"I'm a bad little boosh." -Joceline 
(one of my many favorite quotes this episode)

Then she continues her apologizing spree and flaps her wings over to presence of Mimi. She realized the  Joso approach was the wrong angle and then to her surprise, Mimi has no clout. Strike 2. 

Karlie 0: Failure 2

Karlie you can spill all the tea you want honey, but Mimi is on to you. That triflin beetle put her on game. Then Karlie says "I need a hit." like a crackhead at the Underground. What exact shade of  "Redd" is this shadey broad? Just cut to the chase huh? 

ERICA & SCRAPPY

Ms. Erica and her mom meet up to have a heart to heart. I couldn't help but giggle at her mom's 1993 ATL Freak Nik hairdo, but this woman is giving her the real. She asked exactly what I've been wondering: Is Erica struggling to make some semblance of family based on her own experience with her mom and dad? Erica's struggle growing up, being borne of a mother addicted to crack cocaine is touching. This scene is so sad and so real for a lot of people. She seems to have drawn a lot of strength and maturity from her upbringing, and it's amazing to see her taking the positive from her past.

I love the way Erica clarifies herself and articulates herself when she speaks to Scrappy. She handles herself well.  "All I want is honesty and realness, and if I can't get that from him, then we're just going to be friends." Amen sistah!

JOCELINE & stevie j

So Merman & Stevie are sitting at the piano and she tells him her Fairy Godmother didn't visit her. That's mermish for, "Guess what sucka, I'm pregnant!"

"Which one is it, is it 3 wks? a month... 3 weeks is 21 days, a month is 30." changes subject, "What else is good.. what else? We shouldn't even be having this conversation period." Wait what? This dude is arguing over her estimation methods and then shuts her down and changes the topic. I need to rewind that whole piece.

Then Mimi walks in. She must have really liked being called a "boss" because that was enough juice in her batter pack to storm in and tell Stevie he WILL be working with Karlie. Maybe Karlie p popped it for Mimi instead. I wouldn't be surprised given Mimi's experience with men and Karlie is just... nevermind.

Joso proceeds to hunt Shady Redd down at the gym to tell her off about yet another snake tactic. "Please stop going behind my back to be able to work with Stevie.. she [Mimi] has no say so." The real problem is that Karlie should be calling Stevie, but I take it she's been on the dial tone express given her desperate antics. 

Joso goes on to say, "You are a joke to me. And I would appreciate you not going behind my back.". Jokes calling other people jokes. "Mimi was talking about you," begs Karlie. Shady Redd is always so shook. Is it me? And Oh Em Gee Karlie will throw anyone under the bus! "You deserve that a#$ whoopin." Once again, I am going to have to agree with Joso. Messy is as messy does, not saying Joso won't have her day...

There is where the episode gets weird: 

So Joso walks into a public bathroom in a red dress and her favorite necklace, that I am now starting to despise. One of my favorite singles by Trey Songz is playing, and I'm confused as to why. This might have something to do with her Fairy Godmother going on nine-month leave. Wait I just got my answer, judging by the head-in-hand dramatics & the shaking head while looking at the Fairy GodTest combo. 

Until next week... In the meantime, thank you VH1 for ruining Trey Songz "Heart Attack" for me. 

From the left: K. Michelle, Karlie Redd, Rasheeda, Mimi Faust, Joseline, Erica Dixon

Burning Questions

I've got some lingering unanswered questions from Episode 1. We may not even be able to answer some of these right now.  I know I'm still dumbfounded.  

1. Is it me, or does every woman on this show have perfect cartilage?
2. Was Mama Scrap reciting Shakespeare in that scene between her and Erica?
3. Did anyone else pause the TV and see Joceline's breast implant hanging on for dear life during her confession/interview session?
4. On a scale from HYFR to YOLO, how disrespectful is Stevie J?
5. Why does K. Michelle look so much like Keyshia Cole?

Can You Use That In A Sentence Please?

SPELL M-U-C-K-E-R-Y

Fuckery + Messy

Muckery (adj.) (n.) \muck-er-re\:  marked by confusion and disorder; shenanigans; negative and pointless nonsense. 

Can you use that in a sentence please?

When Karlie spilled all of Joceline's tea to Mimi and Ariane on K. Michelle's birthday, resulting in an argument between Joceline and Karlie, Joceline and Stevie, Stevie and Mimi, as well as Mimi and Joceline, it could only be described as muckery in its purest form.

R&R: Recaps & Reactions- Ep. 1

I finally tuned in tonight to see the long awaited Atlanta spinoff to the VH1 reality show, Love & Hip Hop.  I'll start off by saying, this time around Mona Scott has brewed up a nice jug of tea -southern sweet tea that is, and I'm glad I had my mason jar ready. *sips tea* HONEY!

The opening scene is a shot of the metro area sign that reads, "We're glad Georgia's on your mind".  That is an understatement! So here are the story lines... 

MiMi FAUST & STEVIE J

These two make their introduction to the world, as a couple, swerving through ATL traffic in a black BMW.    Mimi starts off making things clear,  "I've been with him for 15 years."  Now, according to a thing called Common Law in some states, living together for 10 years or more makes you officially married.  However,  this Stevie J character doesn't strike me as the "living together" type.  Its something about the way the seat of that 745 or 55 or  swallows his little beetle shaped body.  Anyway, the two of them drive out to East Kackalacke, Georgia, where Stevie surprises Mimi with her a new castle... or prison.  The two are synonymous.  Mimi is not happy about this.  She knows it will merely be a ploy for Beetle to stay in the city, and call her up 3am for the next 15 years with the same excuse, "Baby, I'm at the studio... I, I, won't be home." 

"That means stay here, shut the f*ck up and be a good dog, and let you do what you do?  Is that what that means?" Mimi comes back with this rhetorical question that she already knows the answer to, but does not yet have the courage to admit.  Yes!  15 years... when will she stop being the "good dog" and biting the bone? Then it dawns on me that Mimi stays because she and their 2 yr old child have no where else to go.

Oooh I smell trouble!!! *sips more tea*

ERICA & LIL SCRAPPY 

Lil Scrappy, the ATL born rapper, and Erica, his girlfriend of 6 years and mother of his child.  She has been with Scrappy since day-1 and has been holding him down for all of eternity.  The reason I won't compare her and Mimi just yet is, because it seems like Scrappy needs Erica, just as much as Erica needs him.

Erica immediately pours us a glass of that good, southern, sweet-tea -the kind that has been brewing in the sun all afternoon- and we get the beans on the Scrappy/ Diamond love tryst.  That's right she did say 6 years, and I remember  thinking to myself, Scrappy and Diamond are doing LaHH ATL, as a couple?  I had no idea he had a "Day-1".  Now he is just wrong for that!  But they're back together, trying to sort out their differences.  "He says he wants affection, but he was getting a lot of that before he moved on to Diamond... This is round 2.  It's all or nothing." Yeah, she's getting a ring in Season 2.  Well OK Chrissy!

MOMMA DEE

We got Mama Jones on 1000... Mama Scrap!! She said she even threw the housing guys a stack, and they didn't do the work yet, so they must be smoking crack.  Now we know where Lil Scrappy learned his clever rhyming skills.  Oh and Momma Dee used to be a Pimp back in her day, a drug dealing pimp.  All I'm going about that is, it takes a special kind of person to lay the pimp hand down.  Later on, she sits Erica down and gives her the business.  She basically tells her she that lacks the basic nurturing skills that a man needs to feel loved, because Erica's mama was a crackhead.  Now I don't know about everyone else, but speaking freely about someone's past and upbringing is just pure disrespect.  Erica speaks her peace, but she must know about the Pimp Hand from this self declared Queen.  

K. MICHELLE

K. Michelle, who holds a striking resemblance Keyshia Cole, is in the studio belting out notes.  I'm sure she gets that a lot, so I'll just charge that bone structure to the undiscovered musical DNA game.  She let's us in on her story.  She was in an abusive relationship with an anonymous nut job named Memphitz,  who used to beat her, and spend all her money... but you know the saying -For songbirds hath no melody like a woman scorned.  K. Michelle, I'll be checking for you!

ARIANE

Mimi and her friend Ariane meet up to discuss the recent events.  "Stevie decided to surprise me with a house today." Mimi says matter of factly.  Now Ariane is the friend that every dumb broad needs.  Its not that she says anything profound, its just the TRUTH:

"What is it that keeps you hanging on to him."; ; "I just don't want you making excuses for him."; "You're accepting certain behavior.. Things he does with all these women."; "To me I feel like Stevie J doesn't care about women."; "He doesn't have a reason to tell you the truth because he DOESN'T CARE."  

Then after Ariane's heartfelt words, Mimi says, "I believe what he tells me... This is what he wants... I believe him." *hits forehead* I'm done giving Mimi the benefit of the doubt and rewinding my TV.  Keep playing yourself home girl! Listen to Ariane. Its 2am... Do you know where your man is?

MEANWHILE, AT THE STUDIO

JOCELINE & stevie j

Joceline, the latina rapper, actress, dancer, "just entertainer" and jumpoff or girlfriend/sidepiece to Stevie J makes her small screen debut in a pair of 2 in. striped gogo shorts, a tied white tee, a black long-sleeved leather jacket and brown leather combat boots as she enters the studio to see her "boo" Beetle.  I don't know what to be confused about yet.  Then her Interview Dialogue Outfit, is JLo at the Grammy's meets Edward Scissorhands, with all of those damn cutouts. And I can bet money its "custom made" by her "stylist".  What's with all the chains? And I can't be the only one who paused the TV and saw the imprint of her implant from that horrible boob job!?!?  Who is this specimen giving me tranny tease? Everything about her says "Stinky". Anyway, we find out she's a former stripper... Surprise, Surprise! Oh, and she's "Not going back to the pole." 

"You got me working out like.. animal."... "Who did that?" Stevie J says flirtily... "You did dat." Joceline says back in her toddler voice.  She's got one of those vacuumed out stripper bodies, so I'm pretty sure Stevie J didn't just do that, he financed that body.  "Her beauty, her swag... she's bound to go to the top."

*Blankstare*

Oh lord another close-up shot of her struggle-plants. "Ees note abode de sayx... I want Stee-vie for-eyyverr." Well you sure told us didn't you Jose-ah-leen.  Watching these two flirt makes my skin crawl.  OMG she's dancing for him.  Are they really discussing their sex life on camera? Stevie J is sick!  Then later on when they go to lunch with that 

KARLIE RED & Aaron REID

Karlie Red is an aspiring Trinidadian singer/rapper/something who is dating the son of famous music executive, LA Reid.  Why am I not surprised that Karlie has latched her almost-but-not-yet clutches into LA Reid's over-sized replica? They go to meet up with Beetle & Stinky for lunch to discuss, "business".  Its a messy business, when pleasure is so intertwined.  I don't trust this messy heaux, not just because she's sleeping with LA Reid's oversized replica, but because she plays the game and she plays its well. Anyone who doesn't give Joceline the blankstare at first sight is Coo Coo for Cocopuffs.  Instead, Karlie plays along and is on her top the entire lunch.  Seriously Karlie?! You just met this chic.  Learn to watch and take notes.  

Karlie later spills all the tea at K.Michelle's birthday, letting all the girls know, Joceline is a "Down A$$ B*tch".  I really don't get why she's vouching for this chic.  Then she tells everyone how Stevie J and Joceline are GF & BF.  Karlie must have been ousted from every grown woman's circle, because her middle school banter is for the birds.  She must be Susie's stand-in on BBW.  Anyway, Joceline shakes Susie off her coat tail, once she finds out Susie threw her business under the bus.  Karlie sit down.  How are they inseparable when you've only seen them once? Ugh!

MiMi & STEVIE J & JOCELINE..  *cues* Mtume's "You, Me & He"

Once Karlie spills the tea, all Mimi can do is say Stevie J is her man, but she doesn't sound so sure.  Mimi is mad, but it's only because Stevie J didn't change his Facebook status update back to it's complicated.  Sheesh Stevie, next time send her the memo, so she can at least fake the funk to her girlfriends, and not have the stuck on stupid face when she is reminded that you two are just fake-together.  Like clockwork Stevie J and Joceline walk in, arm-in-arm.  Joceline looks like they cast Rihanna, as Big Bird on an episode of Sesame Street.  I actually like her outfit, well the pieces, as seperate pieces.. the yellow shirt and necklace are cute. She almost got it right this time.  K. Michelle exits stage left. Beetle & his sidepiece sit right next to Mimi.  There's a lot of getting up and shuffling and I'm confused but I'm glad K. Michelle made out of there el Pronto! Sidenote: They are at Goldroom, the club in ATL, but its empty.  Run. That. Back. 

Mimi sits there oozing her guts out like a damn fool to Big Bird, who says,

"Do you not trose him? You don't trose him?... You don't gotta get outta line. A man is gonna be a man, that don't mean I'm f*!@#^%ng him, but ima work with him!.. Til you catch us, you can't really blame us for nothing." 

Now this is where Mimi should go, "No, but I can bust you upside your head", and lay the Mama Scrap throwback smack down, but she's still sitting there with the Stuck On Stupid face.  Mimi.. chile.. that wouldn't be me. 

"Where does Stevie find these trash bags? Seriously, she looks like a f*****ng clown." Oh Ariane, you give me life on this show! 

*Pause* Joceline is the sidepiece, side bish, groupie from all hell, because she sits back and plays her role with 10 parts IDGAF in her.  

"You got da be smarter dan dat." OMG I'm in tears, when Big Bird checks Karlie. Do you see the look on her face, and that head tilt with the short bus accent.  I can't! 

Karlie tries to back Mimi up, but Joceline and Stevie J already have their story together.  DENY DENY DENY DENY DENY!

"We kissed? We kissed?" "We kissed?" Stevie J chimes in.  

Ariane, hits the nail on the head again. Mimi is an ENALBER! She lets this stuff go down.  She doesn't even want to remove herself from this madness, because deep down inside she already knows if she leaves, Beetle & Big Bird WILL leave together, guilt-free... As if that's not enough of a reason.  Run Mimi RUN! And never look back! Mimi is wearing down on my soul.  

>> FF: Stevie walks out, Joceline flings a drink and I guess Stevie flung one too, because she lets us know that her fur came from Neiman's... Oh, and why do I believe her when she says Stevie is buying her a new one.  Joceline says she's "done weet heem".. I don't get it.. It's not over? I think Joceline just wants some make-up cutty. What is Beetle Bug putting on these women? 

OMG so I'm trying to keep up... Joceline is waiting outside for Stevie after they threw drinks on each other, so they can go "salsa" at the studio, Stevie gets in the car with her, and Mimi  The Dog, as she so appropriately called herself at the beginning of the epiosode, somehow strays from Ariane to open up the door confront him.  His only response is, "I was looking for you." This dude is BOLD.  He really does not G.A.F!  He actually invited Mimi to the studio.  Mimi is talking nonsense, and Stevie appears to be listening, but he's really just trying to say his peace and keep it moving.  

"She sure cain't... You not f**#@!*ng up my vibe" I would not be sitting there letting Big Bird speak about me in the 3rd person while I'm having a conversation with my man. Get back in the car!

Side-Piece jargon: "Go home deal with your emotions.. Let him go to work" REALLY MEANS, "Go home and take care of yals kid so we can go do our business."

Mimi keeps stating more of the obvious, but she is all talk.  Then she gives him an "ultinatum" she she can feel like she has some sort of power. WOW. Pathetico. 


I'll just be playing the world's smallest violin for Mimi.  Anybody own the world's smallest flute so we can start an orchestra for her?


I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK! And I say that guilt free.  What should I make to snack on while I watch?!

Needs no introduction but let me...

Anyone who has been to the ATL, and has had the chance to witness the Hip-Hop nightlife scene, knows it is ripe with  peachy rears, laid tresses and short dresses.  It is the land of "Makin' It Rain", "24's", and "Showin' Out" by poppin bottles, collars, nether regions and pistols when things get out of hand.

And for those of us who aren't all about that "Vampire Life", as Jim Jones coined it during LaHH season 2, then I'm sure you fell out of bed, heated up your leftover Waffle House from the previous night's folly, and hit the malls and restaurants.  You've seen the businessmen, the two-parent couples, the beautiful homes and  parked Bentley's.

If your auntie served you a healthy, homemade portion of peach cobbler earlier that day, you're probably wondering where these night crawlers came from... So I will say one thing before I let the beat drop on the Season Premiere:

1234 All That Glitters Isn't Gold Avenue

Alla The Lights, Georgia

Tune in and SoonYouShallSee!