R&R: Recaps & Reactions- Ep. 1

I finally tuned in tonight to see the long awaited Atlanta spinoff to the VH1 reality show, Love & Hip Hop.  I'll start off by saying, this time around Mona Scott has brewed up a nice jug of tea -southern sweet tea that is, and I'm glad I had my mason jar ready. *sips tea* HONEY!

The opening scene is a shot of the metro area sign that reads, "We're glad Georgia's on your mind".  That is an understatement! So here are the story lines... 

MiMi FAUST & STEVIE J

These two make their introduction to the world, as a couple, swerving through ATL traffic in a black BMW.    Mimi starts off making things clear,  "I've been with him for 15 years."  Now, according to a thing called Common Law in some states, living together for 10 years or more makes you officially married.  However,  this Stevie J character doesn't strike me as the "living together" type.  Its something about the way the seat of that 745 or 55 or  swallows his little beetle shaped body.  Anyway, the two of them drive out to East Kackalacke, Georgia, where Stevie surprises Mimi with her a new castle... or prison.  The two are synonymous.  Mimi is not happy about this.  She knows it will merely be a ploy for Beetle to stay in the city, and call her up 3am for the next 15 years with the same excuse, "Baby, I'm at the studio... I, I, won't be home." 

"That means stay here, shut the f*ck up and be a good dog, and let you do what you do?  Is that what that means?" Mimi comes back with this rhetorical question that she already knows the answer to, but does not yet have the courage to admit.  Yes!  15 years... when will she stop being the "good dog" and biting the bone? Then it dawns on me that Mimi stays because she and their 2 yr old child have no where else to go.

Oooh I smell trouble!!! *sips more tea*

ERICA & LIL SCRAPPY 

Lil Scrappy, the ATL born rapper, and Erica, his girlfriend of 6 years and mother of his child.  She has been with Scrappy since day-1 and has been holding him down for all of eternity.  The reason I won't compare her and Mimi just yet is, because it seems like Scrappy needs Erica, just as much as Erica needs him.

Erica immediately pours us a glass of that good, southern, sweet-tea -the kind that has been brewing in the sun all afternoon- and we get the beans on the Scrappy/ Diamond love tryst.  That's right she did say 6 years, and I remember  thinking to myself, Scrappy and Diamond are doing LaHH ATL, as a couple?  I had no idea he had a "Day-1".  Now he is just wrong for that!  But they're back together, trying to sort out their differences.  "He says he wants affection, but he was getting a lot of that before he moved on to Diamond... This is round 2.  It's all or nothing." Yeah, she's getting a ring in Season 2.  Well OK Chrissy!

MOMMA DEE

We got Mama Jones on 1000... Mama Scrap!! She said she even threw the housing guys a stack, and they didn't do the work yet, so they must be smoking crack.  Now we know where Lil Scrappy learned his clever rhyming skills.  Oh and Momma Dee used to be a Pimp back in her day, a drug dealing pimp.  All I'm going about that is, it takes a special kind of person to lay the pimp hand down.  Later on, she sits Erica down and gives her the business.  She basically tells her she that lacks the basic nurturing skills that a man needs to feel loved, because Erica's mama was a crackhead.  Now I don't know about everyone else, but speaking freely about someone's past and upbringing is just pure disrespect.  Erica speaks her peace, but she must know about the Pimp Hand from this self declared Queen.  

K. MICHELLE

K. Michelle, who holds a striking resemblance Keyshia Cole, is in the studio belting out notes.  I'm sure she gets that a lot, so I'll just charge that bone structure to the undiscovered musical DNA game.  She let's us in on her story.  She was in an abusive relationship with an anonymous nut job named Memphitz,  who used to beat her, and spend all her money... but you know the saying -For songbirds hath no melody like a woman scorned.  K. Michelle, I'll be checking for you!

ARIANE

Mimi and her friend Ariane meet up to discuss the recent events.  "Stevie decided to surprise me with a house today." Mimi says matter of factly.  Now Ariane is the friend that every dumb broad needs.  Its not that she says anything profound, its just the TRUTH:

"What is it that keeps you hanging on to him."; ; "I just don't want you making excuses for him."; "You're accepting certain behavior.. Things he does with all these women."; "To me I feel like Stevie J doesn't care about women."; "He doesn't have a reason to tell you the truth because he DOESN'T CARE."  

Then after Ariane's heartfelt words, Mimi says, "I believe what he tells me... This is what he wants... I believe him." *hits forehead* I'm done giving Mimi the benefit of the doubt and rewinding my TV.  Keep playing yourself home girl! Listen to Ariane. Its 2am... Do you know where your man is?

MEANWHILE, AT THE STUDIO

JOCELINE & stevie j

Joceline, the latina rapper, actress, dancer, "just entertainer" and jumpoff or girlfriend/sidepiece to Stevie J makes her small screen debut in a pair of 2 in. striped gogo shorts, a tied white tee, a black long-sleeved leather jacket and brown leather combat boots as she enters the studio to see her "boo" Beetle.  I don't know what to be confused about yet.  Then her Interview Dialogue Outfit, is JLo at the Grammy's meets Edward Scissorhands, with all of those damn cutouts. And I can bet money its "custom made" by her "stylist".  What's with all the chains? And I can't be the only one who paused the TV and saw the imprint of her implant from that horrible boob job!?!?  Who is this specimen giving me tranny tease? Everything about her says "Stinky". Anyway, we find out she's a former stripper... Surprise, Surprise! Oh, and she's "Not going back to the pole." 

"You got me working out like.. animal."... "Who did that?" Stevie J says flirtily... "You did dat." Joceline says back in her toddler voice.  She's got one of those vacuumed out stripper bodies, so I'm pretty sure Stevie J didn't just do that, he financed that body.  "Her beauty, her swag... she's bound to go to the top."

*Blankstare*

Oh lord another close-up shot of her struggle-plants. "Ees note abode de sayx... I want Stee-vie for-eyyverr." Well you sure told us didn't you Jose-ah-leen.  Watching these two flirt makes my skin crawl.  OMG she's dancing for him.  Are they really discussing their sex life on camera? Stevie J is sick!  Then later on when they go to lunch with that 

KARLIE RED & Aaron REID

Karlie Red is an aspiring Trinidadian singer/rapper/something who is dating the son of famous music executive, LA Reid.  Why am I not surprised that Karlie has latched her almost-but-not-yet clutches into LA Reid's over-sized replica? They go to meet up with Beetle & Stinky for lunch to discuss, "business".  Its a messy business, when pleasure is so intertwined.  I don't trust this messy heaux, not just because she's sleeping with LA Reid's oversized replica, but because she plays the game and she plays its well. Anyone who doesn't give Joceline the blankstare at first sight is Coo Coo for Cocopuffs.  Instead, Karlie plays along and is on her top the entire lunch.  Seriously Karlie?! You just met this chic.  Learn to watch and take notes.  

Karlie later spills all the tea at K.Michelle's birthday, letting all the girls know, Joceline is a "Down A$$ B*tch".  I really don't get why she's vouching for this chic.  Then she tells everyone how Stevie J and Joceline are GF & BF.  Karlie must have been ousted from every grown woman's circle, because her middle school banter is for the birds.  She must be Susie's stand-in on BBW.  Anyway, Joceline shakes Susie off her coat tail, once she finds out Susie threw her business under the bus.  Karlie sit down.  How are they inseparable when you've only seen them once? Ugh!

MiMi & STEVIE J & JOCELINE..  *cues* Mtume's "You, Me & He"

Once Karlie spills the tea, all Mimi can do is say Stevie J is her man, but she doesn't sound so sure.  Mimi is mad, but it's only because Stevie J didn't change his Facebook status update back to it's complicated.  Sheesh Stevie, next time send her the memo, so she can at least fake the funk to her girlfriends, and not have the stuck on stupid face when she is reminded that you two are just fake-together.  Like clockwork Stevie J and Joceline walk in, arm-in-arm.  Joceline looks like they cast Rihanna, as Big Bird on an episode of Sesame Street.  I actually like her outfit, well the pieces, as seperate pieces.. the yellow shirt and necklace are cute. She almost got it right this time.  K. Michelle exits stage left. Beetle & his sidepiece sit right next to Mimi.  There's a lot of getting up and shuffling and I'm confused but I'm glad K. Michelle made out of there el Pronto! Sidenote: They are at Goldroom, the club in ATL, but its empty.  Run. That. Back. 

Mimi sits there oozing her guts out like a damn fool to Big Bird, who says,

"Do you not trose him? You don't trose him?... You don't gotta get outta line. A man is gonna be a man, that don't mean I'm f*!@#^%ng him, but ima work with him!.. Til you catch us, you can't really blame us for nothing." 

Now this is where Mimi should go, "No, but I can bust you upside your head", and lay the Mama Scrap throwback smack down, but she's still sitting there with the Stuck On Stupid face.  Mimi.. chile.. that wouldn't be me. 

"Where does Stevie find these trash bags? Seriously, she looks like a f*****ng clown." Oh Ariane, you give me life on this show! 

*Pause* Joceline is the sidepiece, side bish, groupie from all hell, because she sits back and plays her role with 10 parts IDGAF in her.  

"You got da be smarter dan dat." OMG I'm in tears, when Big Bird checks Karlie. Do you see the look on her face, and that head tilt with the short bus accent.  I can't! 

Karlie tries to back Mimi up, but Joceline and Stevie J already have their story together.  DENY DENY DENY DENY DENY!

"We kissed? We kissed?" "We kissed?" Stevie J chimes in.  

Ariane, hits the nail on the head again. Mimi is an ENALBER! She lets this stuff go down.  She doesn't even want to remove herself from this madness, because deep down inside she already knows if she leaves, Beetle & Big Bird WILL leave together, guilt-free... As if that's not enough of a reason.  Run Mimi RUN! And never look back! Mimi is wearing down on my soul.  

>> FF: Stevie walks out, Joceline flings a drink and I guess Stevie flung one too, because she lets us know that her fur came from Neiman's... Oh, and why do I believe her when she says Stevie is buying her a new one.  Joceline says she's "done weet heem".. I don't get it.. It's not over? I think Joceline just wants some make-up cutty. What is Beetle Bug putting on these women? 

OMG so I'm trying to keep up... Joceline is waiting outside for Stevie after they threw drinks on each other, so they can go "salsa" at the studio, Stevie gets in the car with her, and Mimi  The Dog, as she so appropriately called herself at the beginning of the epiosode, somehow strays from Ariane to open up the door confront him.  His only response is, "I was looking for you." This dude is BOLD.  He really does not G.A.F!  He actually invited Mimi to the studio.  Mimi is talking nonsense, and Stevie appears to be listening, but he's really just trying to say his peace and keep it moving.  

"She sure cain't... You not f**#@!*ng up my vibe" I would not be sitting there letting Big Bird speak about me in the 3rd person while I'm having a conversation with my man. Get back in the car!

Side-Piece jargon: "Go home deal with your emotions.. Let him go to work" REALLY MEANS, "Go home and take care of yals kid so we can go do our business."

Mimi keeps stating more of the obvious, but she is all talk.  Then she gives him an "ultinatum" she she can feel like she has some sort of power. WOW. Pathetico. 


I'll just be playing the world's smallest violin for Mimi.  Anybody own the world's smallest flute so we can start an orchestra for her?


I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK! And I say that guilt free.  What should I make to snack on while I watch?!